I am so incredibly happy to have made it through my fifth week with no problems! During my 5th week last time is when all the problems began. But here we are, going into our 6th week tomorrow! Also, how is October almost over? This month flew by! I called and made my appointment and we go in on November 3rd which will make me exactly 7 weeks. I am counting down the seconds until that appointment.


How far along? 5 weeks, 6 Days (EDD is June 22, 2017)

Total weight gain/loss: I am still not sure yet. I do not want to step on a scale until my first doctor appointment.

Maternity clothes? None yet.

Stretch marks? No! And I got two jars of Mama Bee Belly Butter. So I am hoping this helps with prevention.

Sleep: Thankfully my insomnia has gone away and I have been getting LOTS of sleep. And I mean lots. I usually get a nap in during the day and then still go to bed early.

Symptoms: Pretty much the same as last week. Lower back pain, terrible breakouts, fatigue/exhaustion, sore nipples, and I'm still so damn thirsty all the time.

Best moment this week: Getting my pregnancy pillow in the mail and getting our first appointment scheduled earlier than 8 weeks!

Have you told family and friends: My mom is the only one in our family that knows, and a few close friends know here.

Miss Anything? I was missing rare steak but not so much anymore.

Movement: Not yet/ Can't wait for the day though!

Food cravings: Not really but I still feel like I need to eat immediately after I get hungry.

Anything making you queasy or sick: I really wanted Mexican food Friday night and we went out to my favorite Mexican Restaurant, I took a bite of my second carne asada taco and almost sprinted to the bathroom to throw up. My guess is that it was the steak.

Have you started to show yet: No. Just still really bloated!

Gender prediction: I still think it is a girl, and Shae still thinks it is a boy.

Labor Signs: No

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Hormonal, but still SO HAPPY!

Looking forward to: Continuing to progress and getting more pregnancy symptoms.

It has been a very difficult process for my to find foundations suitable for my dry and sensitive skin. Even recommendations I have gotten have not worked for me. Foundations that claim to be for dry skin still accentuate my dry patches. You will be surprised to know that all of these foundations are actually from the drug store. I have tried countless foundations from Sephora that have just not worked. But here are the very few that have worked well for me!

• CoverGirl Smoothers AquaSmooth Compact Foundation - This stuff is amazing. It works so well with my dry skin and has amazing coverage. The only cons are that it runs out quickly and there isn't a foundation fair enough for my skin tone.
• LOreal True Match Lumi Cushion - This foundation is incredible. One of my all time favorites. It is amazing for dry skin and there are shades for cool tones, neutral tones and warm tones, which is awesome! This foundation tends to run out quickly for me and/or dry out quickly, which is my only complaint. It is a little pricey for a drugstore foundation but your face will look flawless!
  
  
  
• LOreal Infallible Pro-Glow Foundation - This is my holy grail foundation. I would probably cry if I ever ran out and couldn't get my hands on it again. This gives me such a beautiful glow but also gives great coverage. I dot this all over my face with a my fingers and then blend out with a beauty blender or real techniques sponge and that's all I do! Highly recommend this product.
  
  

What are your recommended foundations for dry skin!?

HUGE SURPRISE! We are pregnant!!! Today marks 3 months since our miscarriage, so I figured it was fitting to post the news. I took a pregnancy test Saturday because it was my 2nd day late and to my surprise, I got a BFP! I instantly started to cry and then I suddenly went into a panic state. I didn't know what to do. After getting my composure together, I put the pregnancy test in my pocket and ran to the living room and plopped on Shae's lap. I told him to close his eyes, held out the test in front of him and had him open. We were both so ecstatic!

Backstory: This is our first month TTC after our miscarriage so I really didn't set my hopes up too high. But I took a test exactly one week prior (6 days before missed period) and it was negative. So I thought for sure I was not pregnant this month. I initially took the test in the first place because I was having quite a bit of lower back pain and having hormonal breakouts on my chin like I've NEVER had before. As the week progressed, I noticed the back pain was not going away, my breakouts were only getting worse, and I was back to falling asleep on my breaks at work, napping at home and going to bed early. Saturday, October 15th, I decided to take a test because I was 2 days late, and we were going out with some friends and wanted to double check and make sure just in case I decided to have a beer. The positive came up almost instantly. Today, October 17th, I went to the doctors for my blood test and got a positive again and I will be making my OB intake appointment on Wednesday.



How far along? 4 weeks, 4 Days (EDD is June 22, 2017)

Total weight gain/loss: Not entirely sure yet. I honestly haven't weighed myself in so long. I sure look and feel so bloated, though!

Maternity clothes? None yet.

Stretch marks? No

Sleep: I have been tired ALL day. All I want to do is sleep. But lately, I've been dealing with insomnia. Last night I woke up at 2:30am and was awake until 5am. It was terrible!

Symptoms: Lower back pain has been the worst, terrible breakouts, fatigue/exhaustion, sore boobs, and SO damn thirsty all the time.
Best moment this week: Getting our positive result on the home pregnancy test and our confirmation today after my blood test!

Have you told family and friends: I told my mom immediately and a few of our close friends know. We are waiting to tell our family after our first ultrasound and announcing it at 12 weeks!

Miss Anything? Sleeping through the night

Movement: Not yet

Food cravings: No, but when I get hungry I HAVE to eat within like 20 minutes or I will die. Or at least that is how it feels.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope not yet!

Have you started to show yet: If you count the bloat that is my entire stomach, then yes. Otherwise, nope!

Gender prediction: I kind of have a feeling it is a girl, and Shae thinks boy again.

Labor Signs: No

Belly Button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy! I am so unbelievably happy!

Looking forward to: Progressing and scheduling our first OB appt on Wednesday!

As I mentioned in my October Goals post, I am throwing another Halloween Party. My birthday is October 29th and it is almost 10000% necessary to throw a costume party every single year and this year is no exception! I can hardly believe I am going to be 24 you guys. WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE!? Anyway, I wanted to share with you all some of my planning and ideas for the party in a couple of posts. I've been trying so hard to find good food that is themed around Halloween for weeks months, and I think I've finally decided on the menu.

• Halloweeno Jalapeño Poppers - I am a sucker for anything Jalapeño and let's be real, are these not the cutest most delicious looking poppers you've ever seen?!




• Puking Guac - If there is one thing people know about me, it is that I am a huge chips & guac & salsa girl. So I thought this was fitting and I also plan on making pico de gallo. I will have to share my recipe with you all in a future post. It is to die for!




• Roasted Zombie Eyeballs - aka BBQ sauce and meatballs thrown in the crockpot and labeled as zombie eyeballs. I'm all about easy and tasty!




• Lil Smokey Mummies - As I mentioned, I'm all about easy and tasty! Since my crockpot will be taken by the roasted zombie eyeballs, I figured I would make lil smokies and turn them into mummies!




• Pumpkin Patch Dirt Cups - I am not a chocolate person by any means, but these are just way too cute to not make. Besides, everyone else likes chocolate!




• Syringe Jello Shots - I haven't decided on a flavor yet, but I bought a bunch of plastic syringes and made a label saying "Free Shots" for these. I'm really excited about it! With the leftovers, I plan on making regular shots in the condiment containers.




• Swamp Water - This isn't 100% set in stone yet, but I made this recipe last year and it was a huge hit. But it also made way too many throw up. Plus, I don't know, it could be fun to try out a new recipe!



Are you guys throwing a Halloween party this year? If so, what do you plan on dressing up as?

I don't know about you all, but I've been wanting a Girls Night In with my best friend! I have compiled a list of must-haves for the perfect Girls Night In! I also plan to do a post on a big sleepover I plan to do with my best girl friends here before we move away to WA. But for now, here are the essentials!

• Alcohol! Whether you want to concoct your own cocktails (like this Moscato Strawberry Lemonade, drink beer, wine or Mike's Hards. It is fun to get a little tipsy with your girl-friends and start letting loose!
• Face Masks - This is something us girls usually do alone. Most of the time our husbands or boyfriends are uninterested, so it is fun to do them with your friends and take pictures! You can even try out some DIY face masks like these!
• Ice Cream!!!! I won't lie, I'm not a huge sweets person or a big ice cream person but there is something about curling up on the couch or bed and eating ice cream late at night with your friends that makes it 1000x better. My favorite is the White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle from Haagen Daz. It is SO damn good.
• Junk food! My go-to is always chips and salsa or chips and guac. It is my favorite snack and guilty pleasure. 
• Netflix or Redbox - whether you want to binge watch an entire TV show or rent your favorite chick flicks, it is fun to get to watch those girly shows or romantic movies with someone who is excited about them with you! (Unlike our boyfriends/husbands who seem the least bit interested).
• Cozy Pajamas! How cute are these Flannel Pajamas from Target?! I'm a sucker for flannel and for pajama sets. Well, I am a sucker for anything cozy really.
• Nail polish - With fall here, it is time to throw out those hot pink or watermelon nails and bring out the berry, reds and green nails! 

What are your essentials for a girls night in?

It has been a huge struggle for me to find a skincare routine that works for my skin. Like, years and years of trying different things. Ultimately, it has all gone down to simplifying all of it. You will be surprised to see how little I actually do for my skin care routine! Keep in mind, I have very fair, very dry and very sensitive skin (wanna trade skin types!?).


As soon as I wake up, I cleanse my face with Formula 10.0.06 So Totally Clean Micellar Cleansing Water. This product is for sensitive skin and takes off any residue I obtained on my skin during the night. I put a good amount on the Up & Up Cotton Rounds from Targe and clean my face. Once that is dry, I use the Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Cream. This stuff is amazing for my dry skin. I have tried so many moisturizers for dry skin that either broke me out or just didn't do the job and this is a dream!

At night, all I do is cleanse my face and wash my makeup off with Philosophy Purity Cleanser. This has been my holy grail cleanser for as long as I can remember. It is great for sensitive skin and is amazing at taking off makeup! Then I pat dry my face and proceed with brushing my teeth. And that's it! I quit putting on moisturizers or other products at night because I noticed it was clogging my pores and causing me to break out.

Besides all that, my favorite masks are by Glam Glow. At times, I get these tiny white bumps on my chin and Glam Glow's Supermud Clearing Treatment Mask ALWAYS takes them away. It is a bit drying but my face is always dry, so what else is new? That is where

As you know, my birthday is on the 29th of this month. I'm going to be 24 and this year, I have had the most difficult time trying to come up with a wishlist. I'm not sure if that is a thing as you age but it has been blowing my mind because in the past, I've never had this problem. I've always had some idea and had no problem listing at least ten things. Haha! Although I came up with this list, Shae and I decided that we were going to spend the morning and day in Raleigh and go to the mall and let me shop 'til I drop! Followed by lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and home to decorate for the Halloween Party that night!

Mercer Large Bonded-Leather Satchel (Plum) - Michael Kors bags are a huge splurge but this color is to DIE for. I am a huge sucker for plums and blushes and this is right up my alley.

Cameron Street Candace Satchel (Lakes Edge) - Again, Kate Spade bags are yet again another splurge but this is definitely something I would love to have. While I love plum colors, my favorite color is teal and this bag is teal.

GlamGlow Sexy SUPERMUD Gift Set - I am a huge fan of the GlamGlow masks and this gift set is such a great value! I'm out of my SuperMud clearing treatment and I've never tried YouthMud Tinglexfoliate Treatment.

Sephora GiftCard - You just can't go wrong with a Sephora Gift Card! Especially with a makeup junkie like me.

Teal Nike Hat - There is no denying that I love this color or this hat and I can always use a hat for bad hair days, or for the gym.

Fall Booties - You can never have too many booties, but I really want a comfortable pair with a small heel. I'm not too picky and would be fine with LOTS of different pairs but these Agatha Booties from Target are SO cute.

As usual, I was scouring Pinterest for HOURS for some fall recipes and I found a pattern... Everything I wanted to try was pumpkin this, or pumpkin that. So I figured I would share my top 5 I am dying to try!

1. 10 Pumpkin Muffins Recipes - Is this cheating? Probably. How could I pass up one post that shares 10 different pumpkin muffin recipes!?



2. Next up is Fluffy Pumpkin Pie Dip! I am kicking myself in the face for not making this already. I NEED it now. Literally drooling looking at this picture.



3. No Bake Marshmallow Pumpkin Pie - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This screams my name. I am all about no bake pies, marshmallows and pumpkin. I already told my mom this was going on the Thanksgiving menu this year.



4. Sparking Pumpkin Cider Beer - If this doesn't sound like the perfect fall cocktail, I don't know what does!



5. Pumpkin Chili - This seems like a cozy fall dinner. The entire house would smell delicious. I love chili's in the fall and this is on my list of recipes to try.



What are some pumpkin recipes you plan on trying this fall?

On July 9th 2016, Shae and I found out we were expecting a bundle of joy. We were expecting a baby that was not exactly planned, but was so loved. There are no words to describe the excitement we felt about meeting our little ray of sunshine on March 14, 2017. We spent that weekend picking out announcement onesie's to send our parents, we went to several stores to look at gender neutral shoes, clothing items, etc. to announce our pregnancy publicly. We had dreams and ideas for boy or girl nurseries and we picked out names for each gender. I spent hours on Pinterest all week. The secret was absolutely killing us but we weren't about to ruin our surprise and tell our parents when we already ordered them the cutest onesie's saying "Grandma & Grandpa, I cannot wait to meet you! March 2017"

Just to have a picture of how things happened, here is a timeline of my experience:

My expected period was supposed to be July 4th. It never came. I kept expecting it to come because I was having continuous light period cramps. It went on for days and I just kept telling myself, "oh I'm getting cramps, it will be here any time!" I was in denial despite falling asleep on my lunch breaks, sleeping as soon as I got home and still going to bed early. On July 9th, after Shae and I took the dogs to the park, I finally got the nerve to take a pregnancy test. I went into the bathroom, while Shae cleaned up the kitchen. I read the directions very carefully and then I just went for it. I hurried up and put the cap back on, turned the test over and just paced the bathroom floor. I don't think there are words to describe the feeling you get before looking at a pregnancy test. It's something that is not describable. I finally gained the courage to turn it over, and sure enough, there was the one word that changed it all, "Pregnant."


Immediately, I started to cry! I was in so much shock and so excited and overwhelmed and the flood gates just opened! It was a feeling I will never forget. I finally got my composure together, and walked out to the kitchen to show Shae. He asked immediately as soon as he saw me and I told him to look for himself, but he could see the tears in my eyes and he already knew. He said "No way!!" Grabbed me and held me for what felt like forever and then all of the sudden we both were smiling and laughing! Just so excited and unsure of what to do next or what was next.

The rest of the day and the next day, Sunday, was perfect. We ordered onesies for our mom's from Maley Design's on Etsy for their announcement. We also order ourselves a a onesie for our public announcement. We ended up getting this one!


Two days later, on Monday the 11th, I woke up in the middle of the night with excruciating cramps for about 30 minutes. I couldn't find my heating pad and I wasn't about to take ibuprofen so I just tried to sleep through it. I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but these cramps were pretty bad. I began to panic and googled my symptoms. I found that this could be normal and that it was probably my uterus stretching. I fell back asleep and woke up the next morning fine! Just to be sure, I took my other digital test - got another positive. All I remember is the happiness and excitment both Shae and I both felt. I had class this day, so I went. Right after, I went and took a blood test at the doctors and got the call later that day that I was in fact Pregnant! The next day on Tuesday, I felt great. Happy and excited. Impatient and wanting everyone to know. Wednesday the 13th, I felt terrible ALL day. My back was hurting, my body ached so bad, and it took everything in me to get through clinicals that day. I felt like I had the flu and it was terrible. I got home and crawled into bed and fell asleep for about 2 hours. I woke up absolutely freezing. I felt so terrible and didn't know what was going on. I didn't have a thermometer but I know without a doubt I was running a high fever. I didn't have any medication I could take so I just suffered through it. When it came time to sleep, I unbundled myself and slept in a big t-shirt, shorts and slept outside of the blankets to try and cool myself off.
Thursday the 14th, I woke up bright and early at 4:45am to get ready for clinicals. I felt great! I was so happy to be feeling better. As usual, I brushed my teeth and then I went to the bathroom. And. There. It. Was. - Blood. My heart sank to my feet.

The thoughts running through my head were unbearable. I could not miss clinicals so there was nothing I could do. I calmed myself down and thought to myself that this could be normal because I know some women experience bleeding in their first trimester. I just kept telling myself, "This does not mean the worst." I had no cramping, no other symptoms other than spotting. So far so good. I continued to bleed for the rest of the day but as the day progressed, it was getting lighter and lighter and by the end of the day there was barely any blood. I was feeling really positive at this point. That was until I woke up the next morning.

Friday the 15th, I woke up with my panty liner filled with blood. Much more than the day before but still not entirely an alarming amount. Again, I had clinicals and since I was still not experiencing any cramping, I went along with my day. Shae and I decided that if I was still bleeding the next morning (Saturday) then we would get up first thing in the morning and go to the hospital. I had in my mind red flags, red alerts and complete fear and panic but tried to stay as calm as possible. I was trying my hardest to think positively but I just KNEW something was wrong. I could feel it. I just refused to admit it. I couldn't bare to say the words out loud. But I knew.

Saturday the 16th, I woke up still bleeding. We immediately got up and went to the hospital. We were there by 8am and so I was seen rather quickly. They gave me an IV, got my stats & vitals, drew my blood and the doctor came and spoke with us. He was very upfront with us about how bleeding can be very normal for some women and other times, it can be a miscarriage. He told me he was going to perform a pelvic exam and that if there was any signs that my cervix was opened or there was clotting or pieces of tissue then he was going to rule it as a miscarriage. He did the pelvic exam. He said everything looked absolutely normal!! Oh the relief and happiness I felt was so amazing. He said there was some old blood but my cervix was closed and there were no clots or pieces of tissue. Shae and I were SO so relieved. We had a little peace of mind at this point. We were discharged and on our way we went.

But this relief didn't last long. We went to go get some lunch and this is when the cramping began and the panic really started to take affect. I was not experiencing any cramping prior to the hospital visit. It wasn't anything alarming but they were dull/light period cramps and as if the bleeding wasn't terrifying enough, I was now having another sign of a miscarriage. Shae's birthday BBQ/party was this night and I was determined to not make a huge deal out of this and let him enjoy his night. Not only was I going through this, but our mom's got their package with their onesie to announce our pregnancy. My mom was over the moon and was crying and so excited. I let her have her excitement before I had to tell her some worrying news. I called my brother, my grandma, my dad... Shae's family knew at this point. Everyone knew! And let me tell you, it was very hard to be as excited as everyone was when the fear was eating at me as well as the pain I was experiencing. I only wish we could have been as excited and enjoying the moment as much as they were when they found out but truthfully, I was crushed inside fearing the worst. As the night progressed, the bleeding was becoming more and more. In the back of my mind, I knew it was over but refused to say it out loud to anyone. I just couldn't do it. Then came the small clots. Complete panic set in. Trapped. I couldn't stop what was happening. There was nothing I could do.

Shae's BBQ began and I was glued to the couch on my heating pad to help with the pain of the cramps. As the night progressed, I would get one long excruciating cramp that would last for about 30 seconds and then it would pass. I'm assuming this was "labor" as my body was getting ready to pass the baby. I was a mess this entire night but put on a happy face for my husband and our friends. I spent the evening getting congratulated and while thanking everyone in actual words, I spent the evening knowing exactly what was happening but I just kept repeating in my head "this isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening!!!" I kept thinking "This can't happen to me! It can't!!" Shae passed out and everyone left around 3am. I was exhausted and so tired. I fell asleep and woke up about 2 hours later, went to the bathroom and passed a very, very large clot. That's when I knew. This is when I knew what had already happened. What was still happening. I crawled back into bed and fell back asleep, numb, knowing there was nothing I could do.

Sunday the 17th, I woke up and went to the bathroom only to find that I had miscarried my baby. I wrapped it on a piece of tissue to save it and then I broke down. I fell to my knees. I cried. I ugly cried. My heart shattered into one million pieces. I wanted to hit everything. I wanted to crawl in a ball and not move. It was over. All of it. Just gone. The rest of the day was a blur. We went to the hospital. More blood draws. Another pelvic exam. Lots of blood. Tears that wouldn't stop. Pieces of my heart that were still scattered on the floor. A constant ache in my chest. Waiting room. Telling several people at the hospital why I was there. "I miscarried this morning." Words I never ever wanted to say out loud. Screaming and crying kids made me cry. Seeing pregnant women made me cry. There are no words to describe this experience. Absolutely none.

Monday the 18th, I skipped class. I went to the hospital to get another blood draw to check my HCG levels. They dropped. A lot. Had to go to the OB clinic. Cried when I saw the happy couples expecting. They were all going for an ultrasound and I was there because I lost my baby. I was alone. The halls were quiet but my mind was racing. It was so damn loud. Again, a lot of it is a blur. I came home from the doctors, to a package on my doorstep. I knew what this package was. It was our baby onesie announcement.

I ugly cried again. I hugged the onesie. I held it over my stomach and cried. For a very long time. I went and laid down and cried some more. How could I possibly miss something and love something so much when I haven't even met him/her? I don't think I have ever missed anything as much as I missed this little one.

I miss our first Baby A so much. It has been a few months but it still hurts every single day. There are nights where I can't sleep and there are days and moments where I break down. There are times where I walk over to my pregnancy test and this baby onesie and just hold it tight. I stare at them both and wonder why and wonder the "what if's." I will never understand why my body was incapable of doing the one thing it was genetically made to do.

So many people do not know and I'm sure there are so many women and couples who have gone through the same thing but choose to not speak about it or tell people about it. Who knows if anyone will ever see this. Maybe nobody will. Maybe someone will stumble across this and realize that they are far from alone. You are not alone.

With fall here (FINALLY), I wanted to share my current fall makeup routine. The months are colder and my dry skin is going to be even more dry, if that is even possible.

Current Makeup Routine

. I know what you're thinking, Mens Shave Balm?! But don't knock it until you try it. It works wonders and actually hydrates my skin!
2. It has taken me a really long time to find a foundation that doesn't show every dry area on my entire face. That is why I love Loreal Pro Glow Foundation. It's also a bonus that they make it in a shade light enough for my fair skin!
3. My holy grail concealer is Urban Decay Naked Skin Weightless Concealer. Just try it! I can guarantee you will all love it.
4. To fill in my eyebrows, I use ABH Brow Definer in Caramel. It is so worth the hype and so worth the cost. I recommend this product to anyone.
5. For mascara, I'm not too picky. I love most of the Maybelline ones. One of my favorites is the Maybelline Volum'Express The Rocket.
6. If I had to pick and choose one countour & highlight palette, it would be the Kat Von D Shade + Light Countour Palette. This baby is so convenient and is amazing.
7. Most of the time, I use any of the blushes out of the Jaclyn Hill Becca Palette. This palette was limited edition, so unfortunately, I can't provide a link.
8. For highlighter, I use a mixture of Champagne Pop out of the Jaclyn Hill Becca Palette and Becca's Shimmering Skin Perfector in Pearl. I have very fair skin so a stark white highlight is completely necessary.
9. I rarely wear anything on my lips but my holy grail is Buxom Full On Lip Cream in White Russian. It is a Nude Pink and my most used lip product.
10. To set everything into place, I use Loreal Infallible Makeup Extender Setting Spray.

This is just my every day. There are days where I go full on glam and wear eyeshadow, eyeliner, sometimes lashes, etc. But this takes me about 10-15 minutes and what I wear on a regular basis.

What is your current makeup routine for fall? 

Happy October and happy birthday month to me! It is my favorite time of year. It is officially pumpkin time, birthday time, and then all the holidays right after that! I throw a big Halloween Party just about every single year for my birthday, and this year will be no exception. Don't worry, I will be sharing all the details and ideas I have for that in another post.

Today, I am sharing with you all my goals for this month and I hope to do this every month to try and hold myself accountable. The power of the internet and posting publicly, right?

October Goals

Hey everyone! Welcome to my blog. This is my third time launching a blog, but this time I plan to stay! This blog will be filled with all things Lifestyle, Beauty, Fitness, Marriage, Journey on TTC, School, Surgicaly Technology, and everything in between.That sounds like a lot, but I'm a little bit of everthing.


This is my husband Shae. Somehow I was one of the lucky ones and ended up marrying my high school sweetheart.

I hope you stick around and keep up with my journey  as I finish my degree as a Surgical Technologist and pursue my dream of becoming a PA, all the while maintaining my marriage and also trying to start a family.